


to build a home (then watch it burn)

by origamixravens



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dean too, Firefighter!Dean, I gave Cas tattoos btw, I promise it's only a little sad, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, teacher!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 08:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3804190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/origamixravens/pseuds/origamixravens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their hands fit like puzzles pieces, cut from the same pattern. Or, in their case, two soul-mates; cut from the same square of galaxy that made up who they are.</p><p>And they built a home from the ashes of their past lifetimes; and watched it burn and reborn, side by side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Wanted To Save Everyone...

i.

 

It happened when he was driving to his brother’s house.

 

Sam was a big-shot lawyer now, and he and his girlfriend Jess had just moved into a small single family home together. Dean was driving up for their housewarming party from a job. Dean took any job he could get his hands on; plumbing, construction, mechanics, you name it. If they’d hire him, Dean would take it.

 

He’s five minutes away from their house, thinking that as far as he knows, one of his old flames lives around here. Dean’s so busy reminiscing about the attractive young yoga teacher (Lisa, he thinks. Her name was Lisa), that he almost drives right by it, and doesn’t notice.

What does catch his attention is the fire truck speeding towards him from behind, barely giving him enough time to pull over.

 

Shaken from his train of thought, Dean is quickly consumed by paranoia.

He chases after the fire engine, all the while hoping and praying that whatever the fire truck is speeding towards, it’s nowhere near Sammy.

 

He breathes a quick sigh of relief when he catches sight of the mailbox at the end of the path; 32 Hinton Street; not 15. It’s still too close for comfort, but it’s not Sammy’s home.

 

Dean shifts the gear of his car back into drive, but for some reason, he cannot tear his eyes away from the burning mass of wood and shattering glass. He doesn’t exactly know why; he’s seen fire before, of course. Experienced the devastation the aftermath can have on a family first hand.

 

Despite his mother dying in a house fire when he was four, Dean never developed a mortal fear of fire. His father had; and Sammy was too young to remember it.

 

But Dean can still remember it; the heat so intense, he was so sure that he and Sammy had been caught aflame as well as they rushed out. It was terrible for sure; but right now, in this moment, it was more majestic that terrifying.

 

Which was sick, and twisted, Dean thought to himself as he was finally able to tear his eyes away and put his foot to the pedal of his car. Because at that moment, someone’s life was being cruelly altered; the very foundations of their life burned to the ground. There was nothing majestic about that.

 

Dean wished there was something he could do; something he could do to ensure that no one else had to watch their life and loved ones burn to the ground before their own wide eyes. But there wasn’t, he told himself as he brought his car to a slow stop on Sam’s freshly paved driveway.

 

At least, not yet.

 

* * *

ii. 

 

“When are you going back?” Sam asked him one morning, a week after he had arrived.

“Not too soon, I hope.” Jess replied quickly, shooting Sam an agitated look. “You’re welcome to stay.”

 

Dean chuckled and sipped his coffee. “Yeah, I know. But I’m planning on staying just until I find another job.”

 

Sam looked up at him in surprise. “What happened to the pipeline down in Arizona?” Sam asked, sounding alarmed. Dean waved his concern away with a hand. “Pipeline’s built.” Dean replied gruffly. “One job done; gotta find another.”   

 

Dean already had a list of jobs he was thinking about taking up. None of them really appealed to him, but once his allotted ten days was up Dean was obligated to take whatever job was on his list. If he didn’t, Sam would throw a fit. And the last thing he needed was the idea that he needed some kind of financial help to burrow into Sam’s thick skull.

 

Sam pursed his lips together and frowned at him from across the table, but Dean pretended not to notice.

 

“Babe,” Jess called from the hallway. “I gotta go!” Sam took one last glance at his brother before getting up.

 

“Yeah, coming!”

 

Sam paused at the doorway and looked back at Dean once.

“Dean, if you need some kind of help…”

 

Dean opened his mouth to make a scathing retort about how he did _not_ need any help, thank you _very_ much, but Jess beat him too to it.

 

“For God’s sake Sam!” Jess called from the hallway.

“I’m sure if Dean needs help, he’ll ask! Now come on before I’m late; if Cas has to cover for my class _one_ more time because I’m late, he’ll skin me!”

 

Jess was a devoted 1st grade teacher who was, unfortunately, not as punctual as she or her coworkers wanted her to be.

Dean chuckled at her words, once again reminded why he liked Jess and thought her good for his hardworking, one-track-mind little brother.

 

* * *

 

iii. 

 

That night, they were all sitting around the dark wood dining table eating Dean’s speciality burgers (there was only one thing that Dean could make; and that was a burger. But he was _damn good_ at it, if he may say so himself).

 

After spending years and years with his little brother, Dean knew that there was something Sam wanted to tell him, but was putting it off. One glance at Jess told him that she knew too. Sam’s uncharacteristic silence was a dead giveaway.

 

“So… Dean….” Sam cleared his throat and looked up at his older brother.

 

“Yes….?” Dean stretched out the word, looking at his brother with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Have you… Have you found another job yet?” Dean felt his irritation blooming in his gut as he tried to keep a straight face.

 

“No.” He answered shortly.

“I’m working on it, Sammy, I am.”

 

“No no, I know!” Sam replied quickly.

 

“Its just, um… You remember that fire at the house down the street on the day you came?” Dean nodded, not sure where this conversation was going.

 

“Well, one of the fireman died; a guy from out of town, but still sad. Anyway, they’re looking for someone to take his place and... Well…” Dean just stared at his brother, unsure what to say.

 

“If you took the job, you wouldn’t be moving around anymore like you do now. In fact, you’d have to… Settle down, I guess? But anyway, the point is that, well….”

 

Sam cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable with what he was going to say next.

“Well, you’d live near us.”

 

Dean was silent. He was well aware that both Jess and Sam were staring at him in silence.

 

Settle down?

Settle **_down_**?

**_Settle down?_ **

 

Well, if he was going to settle down, he’d rather it be close to Sammy. And what was closer than living in the same town?

Besides, he wasn’t finding any of the jobs on his list that interesting anyway.

 

“Sure.” Dean replied, taking a large bite of his burger.

“Where do I sign up?”

 

* * *

 

iv. 

 

The next day Dean drove the Impala to the Fire Station.

He was greeted at the door by a woman with bright red hair and a smile that made him immediately smile back.

 

“Hi, I’m Charlie. Charlie Bradbury.” She stuck her hand between them and shook his hand firmly.

 

“Dean Winchester. I’m looking in on the job opening here?”

Charlie smiled her infectious smile and dropped his hand.

 

“Yeah, your brother came in here yesterday asking about that. Hell of a lawyer, he is.” Dean smiled brightly and nodded.

 

“He sure is.” Dean agreed enthusiastically.

 

“Okay,” Charlie began. “Before we can give you the job, we have to go over all your credentials and make sure you’re in shape.” Charlie glanced over her shoulder and gave him a once over.

 

“But your brother assures us that you are.”

 

Though he was slightly peeved at how much Sam had to do with the probability of his getting the job at the Fire Station, Dean couldn’t really find it in him to be angry. It was Sammy after all.

 

 

He walks out an hour and a half later with a folder of documents, a wide smile on his face, and a new job.

 

* * *

 

v.

 

He pulls into the driveway beside Jess’ car. Its 4:45, and Jess must have just gotten home. Sam doesn’t get back from his fancy law firm until around 6:30 at the earliest.

 

“Are you Sam’s older brother?” He turns around to see a man with messy black hair and shocking blue eyes standing at the end of his driveway. Dean looks around quickly. Where had this man come from? He didn’t notice anyone on the sidewalk when he was driving down the street.

 

“Uh, yeah. I am. Why?”

 

The man shrugs. “I thought I recognized you from the party.”

It takes Dean a second to put two and two together.

 

“Oh! You mean their housewarming party? Sorry if I don’t remember you; I wasn’t exactly mingling. Or on time.”

The man smiles.

 

“It’s alright.” He steps forward and offers him his hand to shake.

 

“I’m Castiel.” He says calmly.

Dean steps forward and takes his hand.

 

“Dean Winchester.”

 

The place where their palms connect buzzes, but Dean can hardly process this new sensation. He’s too busy wondering how the hell it’s humanly possible to have eyes so blue.

 

“Wait, you don’t happen to work with Jess do you?” Dean asks, dropping the man’s hand as he makes another realization.

 

“Are you Cas?”

 

Castiel smiles and drops his head for a moment before lifting it again and meeting his gaze. “Yes.” He answers simply.

 

“I promise whatever horrible things she says about me are horribly exaggerated.”

Dean can’t help but laugh.

 

“No, nothing like that. All I know is that you watch her class when she’s late to work.”

Castiel smiles again.

 

“Ah yes.” He agrees.

 

“Ms. Moore is not the most punctual woman in the world, but she’s certainly one of the nicest.”

 

“Amen to that.” They chuckle for a moment before Cas’ eyes drift over to Dean’s car.

 

“Is that a 67’ Chevy Impala?” He asks automatically. Dean’s eyes light up in surprise.

 

“Yeah! How did you know?” Dean asks in surprise. Castiel turns to him with a shy smile on his lips.

 

“I wish I could say it’s because I’m passionate about cars, but the only reason I know is because one of my students is obsessed with it.” Castiel explains.

 

“Apparently, when he’s old enough to drive, Ben wants to find and restore a 67’ Chevy Impala. If he sees your car he’ll idolize you forever.”

 

Dean laughed at that; the idea of having a little kid look up to him was hilarious. Dean was anything _but_ a good role model for children.

 

“What grade do you teach?” He asked suddenly, curious about little Ben and Castiel himself. And eager to steer the conversation away from himself.

 

“3rd grade.” Castiel replied simply.

 

“Is that what you’ve always wanted to do?” Dean asks. Castiel snaps his gaze up to meet his. He looks surprised; as if caught off guard.

 

“Are you happy?”

 

“No one’s ever asked me that before.” He says softly.

 

“What?” Dean asked, confused.

 

“No one’s ever asked me if I’m happy with my job.” Castiel explains.

 

“Oh.” Dean isn’t really sure what to say. He’s sure that this conversation is of some sentimental importance to Castiel now; but he isn’t sure how to react or what to say, and it makes him uncomfortable.

 

“But yes; I am.” Castiel replies quickly, shaking himself and tearing his gaze away from Dean’s.

 

“Very happy.”

 

Dean smiles. “Well good. That’s good. You should do what makes you happy, right?”

 

Castiel grins at him, and Dean feels that he has said the right thing without even knowing.

 

“Is that why you do what you do?” Castiel asks.

 

“Why you drive around the country in your car and take odd job after odd job?”

 

Dean snorts. “Everyone seems to know how I live around here.” He says.

 

Castiel shrugs. “Small town.” He explains, as if that’s all the explanation Dean needs to understand.

 

He gets the logic and idea behind it; small towns have smaller populations, word gets around faster than anywhere else. But he’s never really been or lived in a small town; hell, he’s never really lived anywhere before. But it makes him uneasy; thinking that everyone could know him and all his dirty little secrets by nightfall if he slips up.

 

But Castiel is still looking at him, as if waiting for a reply, and Dean can’t find it in himself not to give him one.

 

“That’s part of it, I guess.” Dean rubs the back of his neck. How is he supposed to explain that he doesn’t live on the road because he wants to (though this lifestyle has grown on him, he’ll admit), but because he’s running away?

 

Castiel, mercifully, doesn’t ask any more questions. Instead, he locks eyes with Dean again, and gives him a small nod.

 

After a passing moment of silence, Castiel extends his hand again. “Well, it was nice getting to know you, Dean.” Castiel says.

 

“You too.”

 

This time, Dean is much more aware of the jolting feeling he gets when their palms make contact. It reminds him of the time that he worked on a construction crew somewhere north of this small town. He had brushed his palm against a stripped wire, and his whole body jolted away in surprise.

 

But holding Castiel’s hand, even for a brief moment, if only to shake it; was just like that. Except instead of jolting away from the buzz, Dean only wanted to press forward. Press his palms harder into his until he could feel the buzz in the farthest reaches of his body.

 

But he let go, and so did Castiel. He stepped back and gave Dean a small smile, before turning around and walking down the driveway and turning left onto the sidewalk.

 

“Hey, Dean!” He turns around to see Jess standing at the doorway, one hand on the doorknob, the other on her waist.

 

“What are you doing, standing around out there? Come inside and help me move some stuff in the garage, will you?”

 

Dean turns away from her quickly so look down the sidewalk where Castiel was walking. The sidewalk is empty, and Castiel is gone.

 

With a sigh, Dean turns around and starts walking up to where Jess is standing.

 

“Yeah yeah, I’m coming.”

 

Even as he closes the door and makes his way to the garage after Jess, the buzzing feeling in his palm has not gone away.

 

* * *

 

vi.

 

Its Friday afternoon, and Dean has been on the phone and his email all day, tying up loose ends.

He was calling all his old contacts; Rufus, a pipeline manager that worked for Shell that had owed Bobby a favor some time back, and always kept an eye out for jobs that Dean could take up.

 

Ellen, who was the closest thing to a mother a guy like him could ever have, who always called him first whenever a leak sprung or something needed fixing up at Harvelle’s Roadhouse; the family owned saloon that Ellen and her daughter Jo owned up in Nebraska.

 

Another handful of friends and acquaintances he had made on the road; telling them all that he had found a permanent job (at least, for now), and that he wasn’t going to be looking for a new job anytime soon.

 

All that was left, was Bobby.

Dean pressed the ringing phone to his right ear with one hand, and logged out of his laptop with the other.

 

He tapped his foot impatiently, and gathered up a stack of papers and shoved them into a folder single handedly. He was going out looking for apartments with Sam tomorrow; apparently his legal expertise were needed on an apartment hunting trip. But hey; who was Dean to deny the guy?

 

He didn’t even notice the phone had stopped ringing until Bobby’s gruff voice filled his head.

 

“What’d you want, idjit?” He asked.

 

Dean cocked an eyebrow. “Are you busy?” He asked.

 

“You could say so.” Bobby replied haughtily.

 

“Oh… Well I was just gonna tell you that I got a job. A real one. Here in the town where Sam lives, in fact.”

 

The line was quiet for a moment before Bobby asked, “What job did ya pick up?”

 

“Firefighter. There was a fire a little down the street from Sammy’s house; spot opened up for me.” The receiving line was quiet, and Dean nervously shifted his weight from foot to foot.

“Uh… Bobby? You there?”

 

“Yeah, I am. I just… I’m proud of you, that’s all.” Bobby’s voice was soft, all trace of gruffness gone.

 

“Yeah well, it was all Sam’s doing anyway.” Dean replied, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

 

“Still; I’m proud of you, boy.”

 

Dean felt his chest swell with pride, and he fought to keep the grin small. “Yeah, well uh…. No chick-flick moments Bobby, come on!”

 

Bobby laughed on the other end, spurring Dean’s own building chuckle to escape from his lips.

 

“Well, chick-flick moment or not; you done good kid. And I’m proud o’ ya.”

There was inaudible yelling in the background, followed by the muffled sounding reply from Bobby. The voice sounded vaguely familiar to Dean, but he couldn’t exactly place it.

 

“Who was that?” Dean asked.

 

“Huh? Oh, that was just, uh… Jody…”

 

“Jody…. Jody Mills? The sheriff?” Dean asked suddenly, his mind fitting the pieces together and recalling the tough as nails sheriff of Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

 

“Well then I guess you _are_ busy! I’ll leave you to it. Go get ‘em Tiger.”

 

“Shut up, you idjit.”

 

Dean hangs up laughing.

 

* * *

 

vii.

 

He had only set his phone down for a few minutes before it rang again.

 

This time, Jess was on the other end.

 

“Dean? I’m sorry to bother you; but Sam said he was going to pick me up from work today, but he got sent into a meeting last minute. Normally, I’d just walk home, but I have a boatload of stuff to carry, and-”

 

“Jess, hey, don’t worry. I’m on my way now.”

 

Her sigh of relief was audible. “Oh thank god. You’re a life saver, Dean.”

 

“Well, I was a lifeguard once.” Dean replied jokingly.

 

“You’ve been _everything_ once. You don’t have to head over right now; I have maybe 15 to 20 minutes left of stuff to grade before I can leave. But after that I gotta load a bunch of first graders science fair projects into your car.”

 

Dean paused. “Is there any glitter? Cuz’ my Baby and glitter do _not_ mix.”

 

Jess laughed breezily on the other end. “No, no glitter. I specifically told them no after last year; it was a bitch to get out of the carpet back at the apartment.”

 

It was Dean’s turn to sigh in relief, and he did so. Quite loudly. “Well then, in that case, I’ll be over in a bit.”

 

“Thanks Dean. Bye.”

 

“Bye Jess.”

 

 

15 minutes later, Dean pulls into the parking lot of the Lawrence Elementary School. It’s harder getting into the actual lot than he expected; all those cars coming out, and only him trying to get back in.

 

A few teachers are standing around on the pavement, and he wonders for a brief moment if Castiel is one of them. He scans the faces of the four teachers, but he doesn’t recognize any of them.

 

He turns the key in the ignition, but leaves the keys dangling there. There isn’t much point in taking the keys out if he’s just going to stand outside and lean against the door trying to look cool.

 

The breeze is cool, but not unpleasant; summer is just around the corner, and this is the best weather they can hope for in the summer months here in Lawrence, or so he hears. Dean hasn’t actually been here since he was a little kid.

 

“Look Mr. Novak, look!”

Dean barely has enough time to turn around before a little boy with a dark head of hair comes barreling over from the other side of the parking lot. And lo and behold, running after him is the very 3rd grade teacher that Dean had been searching the crowd for.

 

“Ben! You know the rules; don’t run across parking lots. Especially by yourself. _Especially_ without looking both ways.” Dean grins at Castiel’s words, and can’t help but think that he looks positively adorable all worked up like that.

 

Before he has much time to dwell on his own thoughts, the little boy, Ben, stares up at him in wonder. “Are you Dean?” He asks.

 

Dean grins and nods his head.

 

“The Dean that’s Ms. Moore’s boyfriend’s brother? The Dean with the cool car?”

 

Dean laughs, and even Castiel managed a smile.

 

“Yeah; I’m the elder Winchester, if that’s what you’re asking. And this,” Dean pats the roof of his car lovingly.

 

“Is Baby.”

 

Ben’s face lights up, and he does a quick lap around the shining Impala.

 

“Wow, Mr. Dean! Where did you find a car like this?!”

 

“It was my father’s, he gave it to me when I was old enough to drive.” Dean explains. “You want to look inside?” Ben’s face lights up, and he turns around, seeking permission from the patiently amused teacher standing behind him.

 

“Can I Mr. Novak? Pleeease?” Castiel studied the little for a moment before letting a small smile slit across his lips.

 

“Well, if Mr. Winchester says its ok…”

 

Ben grins and gives a loud whoop. The smile on Dean’s face just grows as he turns the key in the ignition and opens the door, letting Ben scramble into the driver’s seat.

 

Once he’s sure that the shift gear is firmly placed on the ‘P’, he closes the door gently and steps back.

 

“That was nice of you.” Castiel says, his arms crossed over his chest, a smirk on his face.

 

“Yeah, well. It seems wrong to say no to a little kid this excited, you know?” Castiel smiles and hums in agreement.

 

“What are you doing here, anyway? Not to be rude, but…” Dean waves his hand, signaling that he doesn’t take any offence.

 

“Jess has a bunch of kiddie projects to take home today, and Sammy’s stuck in some kinda fancy meeting, so… here I am.” Castiel smiles.

 

“You’re just a regular public service advocate, aren’t you?” Dean doubles over in laughter, wiping tears from his eyes as he goes. He turns to look at Castiel, really look at him, for the first time that day.

 

He was wearing a brown sweater and black slacks. His hair, unlike the rest of him, was shaggy and messy. But Dean thought it suited him better that way.

They locked eyes; piercing teal on striking green.

 

“That’s me.” Dean replied slowly, straightening himself up, eyes still locked with his.

“Just trying to do some good around here.”

 

A smirk tugged on Castiel’s lips, and he opened his mouth to speak. But the sound of AC/DC’s Back in Black poured through every open window, and interrupted his words.

 

“You like AC/DC?!” Ben yelled through the open window. Dean laughed and leaned through the window over Ben, adjusting the volume on the stereo.

 

“Yeah; best band in the world!” Dean said, grinning wide.

 

Ben’s smile widened even more, if that was even possible. “Rock on!” He exclaims, and gives Dean a solid high five.

 

Castiel laughs from the side. “Are you sure you two aren’t related?” He asks, his brows drawn together ever so slightly.

Dean opens his mouth to answer, but is cut off by the sound of a panicked, high-pitched voice.

 

“Ben? Ben, where are you?!” Ben groans and turns off the stereo.

 

“Mom! I’m over here!”

 

“Over here, Ms. Braeden!” Castiel yells over his shoulder.

 

The smile on Dean’s face freezes, and his mind whirs at a few million miles an hour.

_Braeden….?_

And he doesn’t have much time to prepare himself; because only seconds later, she’s rounding the corner, looking almost exactly the same as she had 8 years ago.

 

Her hair is loose around her, framing her fair, oval face with dark curls. Her lashes are long and curled, and fan her wide brown eyes. They are still filled with the same happiness and wanderlust as they had been 8 years ago. The only difference, which he notices instantly, is the stunning, diamond ring on her left hand.

 

She stops short when she sees him, caught in the same frozen trance as he.

 

“Sorry Ms. Braeden, but Ben spotted this car and went nuts-” Castiel stops speaking the moment he sees them. He doesn’t say another word, but Dean can feel his questioning, and somewhat heated, gaze on him.

 

“Dean.” Her voice is barely above a whisper, and thick with disbelief.

 

“Lisa.”

 

“I didn’t know you were here.”

 

“I didn’t know you still lived here.” Dean replied evenly.

 

“Mom!” Ben steps out of the car, completely oblivious to the electrified tension between his mother and this cool stranger.

 

“Look at his car; it’s an Impala, mom! _And,_ he likes AC/DC music! Isn’t Dean so _cool_?”

 

Lisa’s eyes break away from his to flit down to her son.

 

“Wait; you know Dean?” She asks in surprise.

Ben nods eagerly.

 

“Mr. Novak told me that Ms. Moore’s boyfriend’s brother had an Impala, and here it is mom! Isn’t it cool?”

 

The disbelieving look on her face breaks just for a moment as she smiles sweetly down at the excited little boy.

 

“Yeah Ben; yeah it is.”

 

But, like two magnets, Lisa’s gaze is drawn to his again. Dean finds he never really looked away. He is vaguely aware of Castiel pulling Ben skillfully away from the two of them to check out the trunk.

 

“I didn’t know you were back.” Lisa said after an awkward moment.

 

Dean nods. “I got a job down at the Fire Station, actually.” She nods, and brushes a strand of hair back behind her ear.

 

“So, uh... How you been?” Dean asks awkwardly. He had never been good at small talk; and this is no exception.

 

“Good, good; doing okay. I’m still a yoga instructor, actually.” Dean nods.

 

“Ah.”

 

After another pause, Dean nods towards the ring on her finger.

 

“That from his dad?” Dean asks, looking over at where Ben is standing beside Castiel.

Castiel looks up at him briefly, before turning his gaze away and focusing on Ben.

 

Lisa sighs, and smiles slightly. “No. It’s from my fiancée, Matt. He’s a doctor.” Lisa sighs again, and shifts the bag on her shoulder.

 

“I never did get to tell Ben’s father about him.” Dean nods in understanding, a lingering question at the back of his mind.

 

“How old is Ben?” He asks suddenly, before he has time to reconsider.

 

“Eight.” Lisa replies easily, holding his gaze as if challenging him to interpret the boy’s age and the number of years since they’d last seen each other as something more than coincidence. 

Just then, Jess rounds the corner with another teacher behind her, both of them heavily laden with messy science projects.

 

“Ms. Moore!” Jess grins down at the little boy as Dean lurches forward and pops the trunk.

 

“Hiya, Ben! Ms. Braden.” She nods at Lisa, who stands closer to her son.

 

“Well uh, we’ve got to get going now, don’t we Ben? Matt’s waiting for us back home; we’re going out to dinner, remember?”

 

“Awwwww…..” Ben groans.

 

“Don’t worry little man,” Dean says, and crouches down to his height.

 

“If you’re ever walking through a parking lot in this town, and you see my car; you’re more than welcome to check it out. And who knows; maybe one day, if your mom’s cool with it, I’ll let you ride inside, yeah?”

 

The frown on his face quickly turns into a wide grin, and he jumps forward and grabs Dean in a hug.

 

“Thanks Dean!” Ben exclaims.

 

“You’re really cool!” Dean laughs, and pulls away.

 

“You too, little man.” He offers him his fist, and Ben bumps his own fist against it, and imitates an explosion, which Dean is quick to follow.

 

“Say bye to everyone.” Lisa says quietly, taking Ben’s other hand.

 

“Bye Ms. Moore! Bye Mr. Novak! Bye Mr. Milligan! Bye Dean!!” A chorus of goodbyes sound from the group of adults as Lisa leads her son to their car. Dean watches them go, and just before she gets into her car, Lisa turns around and gives him a little smile and wave before shutting the car door.

 

“You ready to go?” Dean asks Jess as the Braedens pulls out of the school parking lot.

 

“Yup, just about. Thanks Adam.” The younger teacher waves and retreats back to the school.

 

“So. How do you know her?” Castiel stands beside him. Dean doesn’t mind the proximity.

 

“We met a few years back.” Dean says.

 

“But we only knew each other for a short while.” Castiel raises an eyebrow at him.

 

“Well… Long enough.” He’s not sure what kind of reaction he’s expecting, but laughter definitely wasn’t something he was prepared for.

 

“You looked white as a sheet!” Castiel says laughing.

 

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up.” Dean says, trying to fight the smile on his face. The anger in his voice is undeniably fake. For some odd reason, Castiel puts him at ease, even when he’s teasing him. The man is witty; and it takes Dean off guard, since he himself was never very good at comebacks.

 

“See you next week Cas!” Jess calls from the passenger’s seat as Dean slams his door shut.

 

“Bye Jess.” Cas calls through the open window.

 

“See ya.” Dean waves as they pull out of the school parking lot.

 

Even when they’re halfway down Main Street, and far away from the school, Dean still glances at the rearview mirror, checking for a glimpse of a man in a brown sweater and bright teal eyes.

 

* * *

 

viii. 

 

Months pass by.

 

It’s August now, and six months ago Dean had moved into Lawrence, Kansas.

 

There are only a handful of firefighters here; Benny, a tall, gruff man who, like Dean, was running from a past that seemed too large to fathom. They bonded over their similar backstories and their drill sergeants for fathers.

 

Chris Walker, a young volunteer firefighter/gas station worker. He was quiet, and didn’t talk much, but Dean liked him enough.

 

Charlie Bradbury, who it turned it out was not an actual firefighter, but worked the tech of the fire station. He had seen how brilliant she was (he had caught her hacking into a fake nonprofit organization and screenshotting the incriminating evidence once. When he had asked her why she was doing this _here,_ she replied with a shrug “The internet’s faster than at my place.”), and Dean could only conclude that she too was running from a past that was too heavy for a free-spirit like Charlie.

 

And then there was Jo, Ellen’s runaway daughter who had left both Nevada and her mother.

 

“I need a place to stay, Dean.” Jo had pleaded with him in the middle of the night 4 months ago. (They fought too much, in Dean’s opinion. Ellen too cautious, Jo too wild, and both too stubborn for their own good).

 

(She had been standing at the door of his apartment, and he couldn’t bear to see his friend on the brink of tears, so he let her in.)

 

They were neighbors now; Jo having saved up enough money to rent her own apartment now. (Dean was aware that the only reason Jo had gotten her own apartment was not because she wasn’t welcome at his; it was so she could have Charlie over _whenever she wanted_ ).

 

Ellen had agreed not to drag her back to Nevada, but had left Dean with strict orders to watch over her only daughter. The pressure was high, to say the least.

 

Sam, as it turned out, was trying to get around to popping the big question. He was just, quote, “waiting for the right time”. But from the uncharacteristically shaky hands, Dean could tell that the only thing Sam was waiting for was more courage. Jess was going to say yes, and Dean had never been surer of anything in his life.

 

 

But another thing was happening. Something that Dean had never been more uncertain about.

 

It was Castiel.

 

The man was witty, smart, and passionate about his work. He liked his coffee black, but he insisted that cinnamon was “good for you”, so he mixed that in and somehow found the unholy concoction _delicious._

 

He liked wearing sweaters but insisted on wearing a tan trench coat instead of a winter jacket. His hair was always ruffled and messy, even when the rest of him was neat and tidy.

 

And he was so deceptively handsome that it made Dean ache in a way he had never felt before.

Not for Cassie, not for Lisa, not for _anyone._

 

And that’s what troubled him. As far as he knew, he was _straight._ As far as he knew, _Cas_ was straight as well.

Which worried him.

 

A lot.

 

Because the thing he was feeling, this burning whirlwind in his gut and the tug of his heart whenever they were together or whenever Dean so much as _thought_ about him was a feeling he had only associated with _women_.

 

They had also begun meeting at this coffee shop at the corner of Main and Waters street (it was equal distance from both the school and the fire station) every Friday or so. Which was where Dean was now, a cup of steaming coffee in his hand as he stared out the window and waited for Cas.

 

“Hello Dean.” His head snapped up to the sound of his name, and _speak of the handsome devil_ , there he was, aggravatingly messy hair and all. It doesn’t help that the streetlamp right outside the window is illuminating his face and throwing golden highlights across his face, and in the darkness of the night outside and the dim lighting in here, he looks like a goddamn _angel._

 

“Cas, hey! Sit down.” That was _way_ too eager, and it took all he had to resist flinching.

 

“How are you? How’s the fire station?” Dean smiled at Cas’ genuine questions.

 

“Good, it’s good. Saving people; it’s rewarding.” He taps the table with his open palm, smiling.

 

“But teaching people; that’s where it’s at, right? Training the bright young minds of tomorrow, right?”

 

Cas ducks his head, a deep red blush crawling up his neck before he tugs up his collar and obscures Dean’s view. Dean licks his lips, and tries not to think too much.

 

“We’ve already discussed this Dean; both professions are equally helping to better the world.” His cheeks are slightly flushed, which just makes the smile on Dean’s face grow even more. He’s not sure what it is; maybe the fact that he’s only had four hours of sleep at the most these past two weeks, but he can tell he’s going to do something _big,_ but at the moment, he doesn’t particularly care.

 

“What’re you drinking?” He asks, nodding at the steaming paper cup in his hand.

 

“Chamomile Tea.” Cas answered, taking a sip. He squinted ever so slightly, and tilted his head, studying Dean.

 

“Why are you smiling like that?” Cas asks.

 

Dean grins. “Remember when you got them to use paper cups instead of Styrofoam?”

 

They used to use Styrofoam cups here, Dean remembered. But Cas had extended the environmental science unit in his 3rd class, just to teach them the negative effects that Styrofoam had on the environment.

 

And at the end, Cas may have (not-so-subtly) pointed out that this coffee shop used a _shit ton_ (his own words) of Styrofoam cups every month, and soon enough Cas had an army of indignant 3rd graders, a handful of excitable 1st graders and their teacher (Jess, of course), a firefighter, and the best lawyer money could hire that the South had seen in years.

 

Cas blushed again. “Oh yes. I remember.”

 

There were so many sides to this man, Dean realized. He was shy and quiet by nature, but when he grew passionate about something, there was no stopping him. Dean found it equal parts impressive and attractive.

 

Dean grins at the spreading blush, and takes a leisure sip of coffee.

 

“So. Started anymore boycotts since last time we met?”

 

* * *

ix. 

 

It had taken Castiel years to establish his sexuality.

 

He hadn’t grown up here, but instead in a larger town (but still not as large as a city), to the East of Lawrence.

 

He knew he wasn’t straight, and for the longest time he had thought that he was gay. Inias, his high school biology lab partner, had been his first love. (He had thought they’d last forever. They had even applied to the same college; both biology majors, intent on becoming doctors. Cas had thought they’d last forever, but he had been young and naïve.)

 

Then he had met Meg; the witty and cynical, down-right _sexy_ psychology student that he had met at a bar and had promptly taken home.

 

They turned out to go to the same college, but Meg rarely made it to class. She did most of her classes online, but when she did venture out of her dorm they’d go somewhere together (they were always daring places; frequently requiring breaking and entering).

 

They told each other stories; Cas painted pictures of a childhood spent being talked over and getting forgotten in the wake of his older siblings (even his estranged older brother, Lucifer). Meg told him of a harsh, gritty life filled with an abusive mother and a father with ties to the mafia. And after her mother died; her father had gotten more involved with the gang, drinking more and coming home less.

They didn’t have much money; she had gotten into college with a partial scholarship and the blood money she had spent her entire life making and saving.

She’d tell him how she knew her mother suffered from a mental illness, and she wanted to help people like her mother and maybe even the children of those people; children like she had been so many years ago.

Cas told her of how he wasn’t sure he wanted to be a doctor at all.

 

But Meg was dangerous and reckless where Cas was quiet and cautious; and they loved each other in the same way. Meg drew him out of his shell, but Cas could do nothing to quell the angry fire burning inside of her (and if he had the choice, he wasn’t sure he would).

 

A year and a half into their time together, Meg was on a visit home to pick up all of her remaining belongings from the dingy apartment where she had grown up in when she witnessed a young woman getting jumped by three men in alleyway adjacent from her parked car.

She had approached them; intent on saving the girl and teaching the men a lesson.

 

She hadn’t counted on the knife.

They stabbed her deep in the stomach and left her lying in the ally.

She managed to pull herself together and staunch the bleeding long enough to get to the hospital.  

 

But even his tough, resilient Meg wasn’t invincible; and she died while he was driving frantically from three states over.

( _“Are you Clarence?”_ The nurse had asked him. His throat was too thick; so he nodded instead. The nurse had smiled weakly at him.

_“She was asking for you.”_

He didn’t make it here fast enough, _how could he?_

_“She told us to tell you that she loves you. And that you don’t need to give a damn about anyone else but yourself.”_

He loved her too. God, he wished he could tell her that.

 _“Thank you.”_ The nurse left him then, and he sat down on the floor beside the gurney where her body lay stiff and cold and cried for hours.)

 

When he got back to the campus after Meg’s funeral (there were far too few people; his beautiful Meg deserved more than what she got), he quit his current courses and enrolled into a whole new set of classes; intent on not giving a damn about what anyone in his family said.

 

Years after, he earned his degree, got a job right out of college as a 3rd grade teacher, and moved into Lawrence, Kansas.

 

9 years later, a man with a crooked smile and scars moves into town and Cas could feel himself falling all over again.

 

* * *

x. 

 

“I should get home.” Cas said, wiping a few tears of laughter from his eyes.

 

“I’ll have some work to do tomorrow.” Dean frowned lightly.

 

“Aw, come on Cas; live a little will you? You don’t have a curfew; do you?” Cas laughed.

 

“No; but I do have to do some grading tomorrow; which will take most of the day, if not all.” Dean nodded.

 

“Alright fine. A little sleep would do me some good, wouldn’t it?” Cas smiled and patted his cheek mockingly.

 

“And a little more color in those cheeks.” Roaring with laughter, Dean tossed a few bills on the table and waved goodbye to the young teenager working behind the counter.

 

“See you later, Krissy.”

 

“Bye Dean!”

 

Cas and Dean walked out of the café, elbows brushing as they walked closely down the street.

 

“Where’s your car?” Dean asked.

 

“In the shop; I walked here.” Dean whirled around in surprise.

 

“You can’t walk home now!” His eyes were wide with disbelief and a momentary flash of panic.

 

“Yes I can, Dean.” Cas replied calmly.

“I’ve done it before.”

 

“It’s not safe out this late!” Dean argued.

 

“This is a perfectly safe neighborhood, Dean.” Cas explained patiently.

 

“Yeah, well… You never know.” Dean said quietly.

 

“Come on, my car’s just over there; let me drive you home.” Cas looked at him with a raised eyebrow for a moment.

 

“Dean…” Dean just kept staring at him with a mixture of panic and pleading.

 

Cas sighed. “Fine. Lead the way, Mr. Winchester.”

 

Dean grinned at him and turned on his heel. “Don’t worry; I parked under a streetlight; completely safe.”

 

“Worried someone will steal your car?” Dean turned to him with a look of horror on his face.

Cas just burst out laughing.

 

“That’s not a joke!” Dean said, but already a grin was tugging at the corner of his lips.

 

“I can’t imagine anything worse.” This, of course, did nothing but make Cas laugh harder.

 

Before he knew it, they were driving inside of the Impala.

 

“Do you mind?” Dean asked, gesturing towards the radio. Cas shook his head.

 

“I’m curious as to whether or not you listen to anything else besides AC/DC.” Dean smirked.

 

“You would be surprised.”

 

* * *

xi. 

 

An entire album of Led Zepplin later, and they both step out of the car and simultaneously slam the doors shut.

 

“Well; I think I would have gotten home faster if I had just walked.” Cas says jokingly, bumping Dean’s shoulder with his own.

 

The swift action was just long enough for Cas to register the thick, hard muscle that made up the shoulder of the eldest Winchester.

 

Dean’s laughter shook him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, well; you wouldn’t have had the misfortune to spend time with me, would you?” Cas chuckled, shoving his hands in his pockets, fishing for a key ring.

 

They climbed the small set of stairs and stood on the stone platform in front of the door of Cas’s townhouse. Dean looked around suspiciously as Cas innocently fished around for his missing keys.

 

“I can’t seem to find-” Cas cut himself off with a sound of affirmation.

 

“Here they are!” Cas turned around to show Dean, but he had miscalculated the amount of square footage on the stone platform. He stepped backwards; into thin air.  

            Flailing his arms in a desperate attempt to regain an upright position, Cas cried out in surprise.

 

            Dean whipped around; alarmed, and instinctively grabbed Cas by the forearm and yanked him back up onto the platform.

 

“Cas!” Dean pulled the other man closer to the center of the platform.

 

“What the hell, are you okay?” Cas nodded, straightening his brown sweater.

 

“I’m fine; just miscalculated my footing, that’s all.” Dean nodded, studying the other man’s face.

 

“Well; at least you held on to your keys.” Cas cracked a smile at Dean’s remark, and laughed. He opened his mouth to respond, but instead he noticed their close proximity.

 

The witty retort dies in his throat.

 

Dean’s smile fades into something more intense, more confused. The tension was both terrifying and electrifying. His thoughts sped up; an internal debate taking place within the confines of his skull.

 

 

_As far as you know, he isn’t like you. As far as you know, he likes **girls.**_

 

_But there’s something here; I can’t pretend I’m imagining it anymore. It’s real!_

_What about Meg? Are you really ready for this?_

His internal monologue was cut off by a pair of warm and heavy lips crashing into him and pulling him from his mind.

 

The breath in his lungs flew away on the wings of his disbelief. Dean was here, right in front of him; strong and sure and warm and _kissing him, goddamit._

Before Cas had any time to react, Dean pulled away, a look of shock and pain on his face.

 

“Cas, I, I’m sorry. I don’t know what that-”

 

It was Dean’s turn to be cut off as Cas surged forward and pressed his own rough lips onto Dean’s.

“Don’t apologize.” Cas murmured into his lips.

 

“Just do it again.”

 

* * *

 

xii.

 

Dean feels himself smile into the kiss. He pushes Cas back against the green door of his home, and lets his fingers dance at the edge of Cas’ upturned sweater collar.

 

Cas, in turn, hooks the thumb of his left hand into Dean’s belt loop, and pulls them infinitely times closer. His right hand is on the back of Dean’s neck, not pushing him closer, but brushing the hair at the nape of his neck gently.

 

“Unlock the door, Cas.” Dean says, and he feels Cas smiling. Even with his eyes closed, Dean can already see what his face would look like. He’s seen and dreamt of that smile so many times, he’s ingrained it into the back of his eyelids.

 

His eyes narrow more as his grin grows wider, and his nose has a tendency to crinkle; because when Cas smiles, he does it with his whole body and for some reason, he tries to hide it.

 

And Dean wishes he wouldn’t.

 

He wishes he’d open himself up and let the whole world, let _him_ see all the beauty and complexity that is Castiel Novak.

 

Dean hears the lock turn behind Cas’ back, and soon enough, Cas has swung them around; pushing Dean through the doorframe and slamming the door shut behind them.

 

His back connects with the wall beside the door, and his left hand braces itself on the edge of an end table. Something rattles, but no other sound but their heavy breathing can be heard in the silent night.

 

“Take this off.” Cas demands, tugging at the leather jacket sitting on Dean’s broad shoulders.

 

Dean pulls his hands away from the wall and table to tug the article off of his back, and briefly notes that dominate Cas is just as attractive as the blushing one back at the café.

 

Cas locks the door and starts tugging Dean away from the wall.

 

“Come on, Mr. Winchester.” Cas says in a low, rough voice that sends prickles of anticipation racing up Dean’s spinal cord.

 

“There’s more to my home than just the foyer.”

 

* * *

 

xiii.

 

Dean wakes up slowly, feeling warm and content. He vaguely wonders why he can smell cinnamon when he’s never even bought cinnamon in his entire life. The only person he knows that even likes cinnamon is Cas.

 

Dean’s eyes fly open.

 

He’s lying on his right side; a sleeping position he’s never been very fond of before. He can feel a pair of warm arms wrapped around his middle, prickly hair on the back of his neck and a nose pressed into the top of his vertebrae.

 

Dean was never a morning person. But he’s never _not_ wanted to get up more than he does in this moment.

 

Despite his best efforts, a smile spreads across his face at the same moment a stone of anxiety settles at the bottom of his gut.

 

 _What if he regrets it?_ Dean wonders anxiously. He’s afraid to move; even to breathe too deeply in fear of waking Cas and wrecking this otherwise perfect morning.

 

_What if it was just… What if he doesn’t **actually** have feelings for me? _

\--

 

Behind him, Cas his having trouble breathing.

 

He woke up with his nose pressed into Dean Winchester’s _back_ for God’s sake.

 

He isn’t going to move, though. No; he’d be risking waking Dean up and having to have _that_ conversation.

 

Cas had gone through that several times before (with Ezekiel and Meg; the latter had been more successful than the first. Not that Cas could take any credit for that), and he wasn’t up for it right now.

 

He just wanted to lie there, with his arms around Dean’s waist, breathing in the faint scent of ash and Dove soup.

 

But just then, Dean’s body shifted ever so slightly, and Cas knew he was awake.

 

\--

 

“Dean?” Cas’ rough morning voice was, if possible, even sexier than the lust-heavy tone had used last night.

 

_Shit._

 

“Cas?”

 

\--

 

 _Crap._ Cas thought.

 

_Did I wake him up?_

\--

 

 _Nice going hot stuff._ Dean thought to himself angrily.

 

_You woke him up._

\--

 

Cas pulled his arms out from around Dean and moved backwards a few inches. Dean flipped around to see him in a tangle of bed sheets and pillows.

 

“Good morning.” Cas said, licking his lips and tried to hide his awkwardness and abnormally fast heartbeat.

 

“Morning.” Dean said lazily, trying (and failing) to give him a casual smile.

 

“So…”

 

Cas was silent, watching Dean with an intensity that made Dean almost choke on his words.

 

“Last night was, uh…” Dean trailed off, all his surmised bravado completely spent.

Cas licked his lips.

 

“Good.” He answered

 

“It was good. For both of us, I’d like to think.” Dean chuckles and nods.

 

“Yeah, it was.” They fall quiet again, Dean fiddling with the blankets and Cas staring ahead in an unseeing manner.

 

“But…” Cas takes a breath, raising his gaze to meet Dean’s.

 

“Was that… All it was? Was it just… Good sex, and that’s all?” Dean understood his meaning immediately, mostly because he had been wondering the same thing.

 

Dean took a deep breath of his own, locking gazes with Cas’ wide, fearful eyes.

 

“No.” His voice was barely above a whisper, and with the same fragility as an eggshell.

 

“No Cas; I’m pretty sure it was more. At least, for me anyway.” Cas’ eyes, if possible, widened even more, but the emotion that filled them was not one of fear. It was wonder; in its purest, most delighted form.

 

His lips turned up at the corners as Cas rose up onto his elbows, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. The small smile grew into an even wider grin and he ducked his head to hide his face.

 

“Good.” He answered, voice slightly muffled.

 

“It was more for me too.” Dean’s face grew into an almost exact replica of Cas’ delighted one, but he made to effort to hide it. He tipped Cas’ face upwards, their radiating happiness mingling in between pristine white sheets.

 

Dean closed the distance between them and took Cas’ bottom lip in between his teeth. Cas was quick to respond, and Dean rubbed the space in between his shoulder blades as Cas hooked an arm around his shoulders.

 

“Wait a minute.” Dean said as he pulled away, a smirk on his face.

 

“Don’t you have work to do?” Cas frowned lightly at him.

 

“It can wait.”

 

* * *

 

xiv.

 

It was Dean that finally broke away. His face was scrunched up slightly,  a question on his mind.

 

“Wait,” He said slowly.

 

“Turn around.”

 

Cas smirked, fully aware of what it was that had suddenly taken Dean’s interest. He turned around and sat up, letting Dean see the entirety of his back.

 

A large tattoo of a pair of black feathered wings spanned from one shoulder to the other. Dean traced the top of the wings. The network of muscles under Cas’ skin rippled as he tensed against Dean’s feather light touch. Slowly, he relaxed, a soft smile growing on his face.

 

“Wow.” Dean said, the awe evident in his voice.

 

“So I wasn’t hallucinating last night.” Cas laughed and turned to face him.

 

“How about you?” He asked.

 

“Any other tattoos besides this one?” Cas tapped the odd symbol on Dean’s chest, humming at the hard muscle.

 

Dean shook his head, smiling down at Cas’ wandering hands.

 

“No. What does your tattoo mean, anyway? Why’d you get it?” Cas looked up at him, his hands stilling.

 

“Why’d you get yours?” He returned, his the ends of his lips quirking up into a smile. Dean huffed, but couldn’t bring himself to deny Cas’ question.

 

“Well, it’s a drunk tattoo.” Dean explained.

 

“I was semi-drunk when I got it. But before I did, I had been reading this book about ancient symbols; can’t remember why anymore. But it’s an anti-possession symbol.” Cas raised an eyebrow studying the symbol.

 

“Anti-possession? As in, against demons?” Dean nodded, smiling.

 

“Yeah! I guess its so no one can control me, I guess. I make my own decisions, and I don’t have to give a damn about what anybody else says.”  Cas had stopped studying the tattoo and had instead begun to study Dean’s face. The words had come sailing out of Dean’s mouth in such a casual manner that Cas almost missed them. A familiar string of words; spoken by two of the most important people in his life, who had never actually met.

 

 _Remarkable,_ Cas thought quietly to himself.

 

“It symbolizes your free will.” Cas said finally, smiling. Dean’s neutral expression soon gave way to a soft smile.

 

“Yeah.” He said finally.

 

“Free-will. Exactly.” Cas nodded and tapped his shoulders.

 

“It’s the same with my wings,” He said.

 

“I thought they’d make me free. It wasn’t really them that gave me my freedom; but they were part of the process of me learning to make my own choices. Of not giving a damn about what other people expected of me, and instead caring of what _I_ expected of myself.”

 

Cas paused, studying Dean’s face again. He’d never get tired to tracing the laugh lines across his face, or the small hairline thin scars across his face.

 

“Does that make sense?” Dean grinned and leaned forward, catching Cas’ lips with his own.

 

“Perfect sense.” Dean murmured into his lips.

 

* * *

xv. 

 

            Monday rolled around, and Cas’ car still hadn’t left the shop.

 

Garth, one of the guys that worked at the auto-body shop had called to explain that due to the abnormally large amount of wrecked cars they had received, they hadn’t gotten around to even _looking_ at Cas’ car yet.

 

            Thus ensued the loud argument that followed.

 

They had been at Dean’s apartment Sunday night, marathoning all of the Marvel movies leading up to the Avengers.

 

( _“I hardly think it’s ‘blasphemous’, as you put it, to have not watched a single Marvel movie.”_

 _“Shut up and eat your popcorn, Cas.”_ )

 

Monday morning, Cas had attempted to leave the apartment undetected.

 

( _“Where do you think you’re going?”_

 _“…”_ )

 

It didn’t go well.

 

( _“Cas?”_

_“…I was going to walk to work, Dean.”_

_“Cas!”_

_“It’s very pleasant out this morning.”_

_“Yeah? Well ‘pleasant’ doesn’t deter thugs.”_

_“Neither does it deter third grade teachers with very little patience left.”_

_“…”_

_“I’m going.”_

_“Wait, Cas! Let me drive you!”_

_“It’s out of your way, Dean. You’ll be late.”_

_“To hell with that. Let me drive you, please?”_

_“Dean…”_

_“Please!”_

_“*sigh*… Fine…”_

_“I’ll grab my keys!”_ )

 

Dean parked in the ‘teacher reserved’ marked parking spot, earning a heavy sigh from the passenger’s seat.

 

“What?” He asked, sliding the keys out of the ignition.

 

Cas gave him a sideways look. “You’re not a teacher, Dean.” He said in exasperation as he opened the door, slinging his large messenger bag over his shoulder.

 

Dean chuckled. “No. But you are.” Dean walked around the front of his car, and stood beside Cas. They watched the drop-off line moving at a snail’s pace in front of them, Cas in content, Dean nervously.

 

“Cas?” Cas turned his head away from the incoming traffic to meet Dean’s candy green eyes.

 

“Can I…” Dean’s eyes dipped down from Cas’ eyes to his lips, uncertainty shading his eyes. Cas smirked at the other man’s conflicted expression, immediately picking up on what it was he wanted to ask.

 

Cas leaned forward and pecked Dean on the lips, adjusting the shoulder strap of his bag. A look of shock and surprise crossed Dean’s face, soon giving way to a small smile.

 

“Are you going to pick me up later, or should I walk home?” He asked, smirking.

 

Dean grinned at the other man’s words. “I’ll come get you at 5.” He said, certainty in his voice. Cas smiled back, giving him a mock salute.

 

“Alright then. Bye Dean.” Dean raised his hand in a goodbye wave, smiling wide. Dean watched him merge into the swarm of children, high-fiving everyone that offered and some others that did not.

 

“You two look good together.” Dean turned around in surprise to see Lisa standing behind him, a smile on her face. Ben stood obediently beside her, holding a Gameboy in between his hands.

 

“Ben, look.” Lisa said, nudging her son.

 

“It’s Dean.” Ben looked up immediately.

 

“Dean!” He exclaimed, and rushed over to hug Dean around the middle. Dean laughed and patted the young boy’s head.

 

“Hey buddy. How you doing?” He asked. Ben pulled away, a wide, toothy smile on his face.

 

“Good!”

 

“How’s school?” Dean asked. He bent down a little and asked in a conspiratorial voice,

“How about the chicks?”

 

Lisa laughed and Ben grinned up at him. The bell sounded in the background, drawing all their gazes.

 

“Bye Mom! Bye Dean! I gotta go!” Ben yelled over his shoulder as he crossed the street on the neon yellow crosswalk. The traffic cop standing at the crosswalk hurried him along as Ben turned around again one last time and waved.

 

Lisa and Dean waved back, wide smiles on their faces.

Lisa turned to look at Dean. “You can have him for the whole weekend, if you’d like.” Lisa said, tucking her keys into her back pocket.

 

Dean turned to look at Lisa in surprise. “Really?” He asked, disbelief in his tone. Lisa nodded with a smile.

 

“Yeah; Matt wanted to take me to meet his parents up in Colorado, but Ben decided he’d rather stay with you. I told him I’d have to make sure with you first, make sure you were free.” Dean nodded vigorously, the excited and delighted look on his face reminding Lisa of all the reasons she had fallen for him in the first place.

 

But that chapter in her life was over, and Dean would be nothing more than a good friend to her now. Neither of them would have it any other way.

 

“Yeah! That’d be great! Thanks Lis.” Lisa smiled and nodded.

 

“But, I gotta ask.” Her face was a bit more serious now, as she tipped her head up to meet Dean’s gaze head on.

 

“Have you told him yet?”

 

“Who?” Dean asked, but he already knew who she meant. The smile slipped off his face with each passing moment.

 

“Mr. Novak. Cas.” Lisa clarified, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“I…”

 

“Dean.” Lisa chastised him softly, giving him a pointed look.

 

“Look,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“There’s no problem at all; I’ve just never found a good time to tell him.”

 

“Well,” Lisa said with a sigh, giving him a sympathetic look.

 

“Take it from me; you have to _make_ a good time, or one won’t come around.”

 

Dean opens his mouth to speak, but thinks better of it, instead nodding humbly.

 

“Okay.” He said.

“I’ll try. I’ll find a way.” Lisa nodded, smiling.

 

“It’s better that way.” Dean smiled, a stone of anxiety settling in his gut. But, in true Dean Winchester fashion, he pushed it deeper into his subconscious.

 

“I have to go; I’m already late for work.” Dean said, adding the last part as way of apology and explanation. Lisa just waved him off.

 

“Goodbye Dean.”

 

“Bye Lisa.”

 

“Don’t forget what I said!”

 

He doubted he’d be able to stop thinking about it.

 

* * *

 

xvi.

 

Cas tosses the pen tiredly onto his pristine desk.

 

The pile of papers he had to grade had disappeared suddenly, and with a jolt Cas realized that he was finished with all his work. Glancing at the clock, Cas realized it was around 5 PM.

 

What should he do now? It was Saturday night, and Cas didn’t have any plans. Again.

 

Maybe Dean didn’t have any plans either?

 

Before he could chicken out of it, Cas grabbed his cell phone and dialed Dean’s number.

 

The phone rang for three beats before the call connected and Dean’s deep voice filled Cas’ ears.

 

“Cas?”

 

“Hello Dean.”

 

“Hey! What’s going on?”

 

“…Are you busy, Dean?”

 

“Uh…” There was the sound of the television playing in the background, and Cas was praying that he hadn’t disturbed Dean.

 

“You know what? No. Do you want to come over?”

 

Cas felt the corners of his lips turn up into a smile. “Well, of course.” He said.

 

“It’s not like I have anything _better_ to do.” Dean laughed on the other end, and Cas could just imagine the way his lips turned up and his eyes crinkled at the corners.

 

“Okay. See you in a bit?”

 

“Yes. Goodbye Dean.”

 

“Bye Cas.”

 

* * *

xvii. 

 

Dean set the phone down carefully on the counter, turning around to look at Ben, sitting happily on the couch, eating out of a big bag of Cheetos. Dean wondered if he should really be letting the boy eat that kind of thing before dinner, in case he ruined his appetite. But he figured that, since it was pizza, they were fine.

 

Besides. Dean had bigger problems now. 

 

Dean sat carefully on the couch beside Ben, barely registering the cartoons playing on screen. The whole 15 minutes before Cas arrived on his doorstep, Dean tried to muster together every bit of courage he had inside him, and to push away the nervousness eating away at his stomach.

 

* * *

xviii. 

 

When the doorbell did finally ring, Dean launched himself off of the couch and towards the direction of the front door. Disengaging the door lock and pulling the chain lock free, Dean opened up the door with a wide smile. Cas stood on the welcome mat, clad in his trench coat and favorite brown sweater underneath.

 

“Hey Cas! Come on in.” Dean said brightly. The nervousness in his stomach did not deign to lessen, instead increasing as Cas stepped into the hallway.

 

“Do you have someone else here, Dean?” Cas asked calmly, hanging his trench coat in the hallway closet.

 

“Yeah, actually. But, I don’t think you’ll mind him. Or at least, I hope.” Cas looks at him quizzically, but Dean tries not to let it get to him. (It does anyway)

 

Cas follows him down the hallway until they’re both standing shoulder to shoulder at the entrance of the living room.

 

Ben is staring at the TV, completely entranced by the wonders of classic cartoons, as Cas watches him in mild surprise, and Dean watches Cas.

 

Cas turns to look at Dean, with nothing other than mild confusion written on his face.

 

“Dean….?”

 

“Lisa and her fiancé are out of town.” Dean rushes to explain.

 

“Ben didn’t want to go with them, so Lisa asked me to watch him for the weekend, so…” Dean gestured at the little boy with a shrug.

 

“So, he’s here for the weekend.” Dean watches Cas’ facial expressions carefully as Cas turns to stare at little Ben Braeden sitting obliviously on the couch.

 

“Cas?” Cas turns to Dean, mildly amused by the hint of nervousness that has slipped into his voice.

 

“What do you… What do you think about that?” Cas smiles lightly at Dean. ( _When he’s nervous, he wrings his hands._ Cas thinks.)

 

“I think…” Cas gives Dean a long, hard look that Dean couldn’t describe as anything other than devious.

 

“I think it’s rather endearing.” He says in the same low, husky voice that Dean admires the most out of all his tones.

 

“And… Something else that isn’t PG.” Cas says, licking his lips subtly for emphasis. Dean’s eyes widen in surprise but soon his expression settles down to a mild smirk.

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Yes.” Cas says lowly.

 

“But… There is a child in the room.” Cas says, and steps back. Dean bewilderedly notices how close they were standing beforehand.

 

“I should go say hello.”

Cas throws a devious smirk over his shoulder as he makes his way towards the young boy on the couch. Ben jumps up to greet his beloved third grade teacher, almost knocking the bag of Cheetos off the couch.

 

Dean watches them, taken aback by Cas’ actions. Slowly, a smile grows on his face as he watches them together on the couch.

 

He walks over and sits on the other side of Ben, putting his arm across the top of the backrest. Soon, Ben’s attention is glued onto the cartoons before him again, and is too preoccupied to notice the fact that Dean is running his hands through the hair on the back of Cas’ head, or the way that his third grade teacher turns to look at his role model lovingly from time to time.

 

* * *

 

xix.

 

Dean walks out of the guest room, running a hand through his hair tiredly. Cas is sitting on the couch, beer in hand, watching some odd documentary on penguins.

 

Dean raises an eyebrow and sits down heavily beside him, accepting the beer Cas offers him from an outstretched hand.

 

_“Emperor penguins are the tallest and heaviest of all living penguin species…”_

“Emperor penguins?” Dean asks questioningly. Cas nods, his eyes still fastened to the screen.

 

“They’re very interesting. I’m teaching my class about them two weeks from now.” Dean nods, but only half-listening to Cas’ lesson plans. Normally, he likes to listen to Cas talk about his class; if he’s lucky, Cas will forget to hide his passion and start waving his hands around in excitement.

 

“…and you’re not listening. Are you alright?” Dean jumps when he realizes Cas is looking at him, his eyes narrowed in concern.

 

“Huh?”

 

“I asked, if you were alright.” Cas repeats, twisting from the torso up to look at Dean.

 

“Yeah yeah, I just…” Dean swallows hard.

 

“I… Need to tell you something. Something important.” Cas’ brow furrows slightly, but he doesn’t speak. Instead, he places his beer bottle on the coffee table and sits cross-legged in front of Dean. A piece of lint is stuck to the bottom of his gray socks. Dean clears his throat and takes a shaky breath in, trying to focus.

“I don’t really know how to say this; so I’ll just tell it to you straight.” Cas’ worried frown deepens slightly, and Dean can feel his nervousness building up in his chest.

 

“Um… You, you know Ben?” Dean gestures behind him, in the general direction of the guest room. Cas nods without a word, his expression softening slightly.

 

“Well, uh… He’s, um… He’s my son.”

 

* * *

xx. 

 

“He’s my son.” Dean blurts the words out, like a piece of hot food that he can’t keep within him any longer. Though he’s still dreading Cas’ reaction, he feels a small sense of relief from having emptied his chest.

 

He watches Cas’ face carefully and apprehensively, praying each second that Cas will not turn his back on him now.

 

Dean had found out shortly after he had arrived here in Lawrence; Lisa had not hesitated in coming clean to him. However, she made it very clear that her fiancé, Matt, would be equal parts involved in Ben’s upbringing as he. Dean did not have any qualms with this particular condition.

 

He’d wanted to tell Cas for some time now; but he wasn’t sure how. Somehow, he had gotten the idea into his head that Cas would not want to be involved with him the way that Dean wanted to be; having been repulsed by the idea of dating one of his student’s parents.

 

But Dean knew he had to tell him; excluding this information would have been lying, and Dean knew exactly what the consequences of _that_ could do to a relationship.

 

 

Cas smiled at him, and took his tightly curled fist in between his smooth palms.

 

“I’ve suspected for a long time now.” He said softly, squeezing Dean’s tense hand.

 

Dean raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You, you did?” He asked, perplexed. Cas chuckled lightly and nodded.

 

“How?”

 

Cas shook his head, the same smile still stuck to his face. “I just… I don’t know, I just suspected.”

 

“And… And you’re okay with it?” Dean asked cautiously. Cas shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t see why me being the teacher of your son could interfere with our relationship.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Cas’ eyes widened, as if he was surprised that he had spoken aloud. He dropped Dean’s hands and leaned backwards, trying to distance himself from the scene as possible without getting up and walking away.

 

“I…” A slightly panicked look filled wide teal eyes as Cas suddenly looked doubtful.

 

“Our relationship?” Dean repeated, inching forward in interest.

 

Cas just shrugged trying not to let his panic show.

 

“Um… Yes… It wouldn’t interfere with it, if we, um, if we had one…” Dean grinned, finding flustered-Cas just as endearing and attractive as ever.

 

“Would you like to have one? A relationship, I mean?” Cas swallowed hard as Dean grabbed his hands and held them close to his chest, stopping them from wringing themselves.

 

“Well… Yes.” Cas looked like he wanted to say more, but he closed his mouth slowly instead.

 

Dean grinned happily, squeezing Cas’ hands in his. “Yeah. Me too.” He leaned forward and pecked Cas on the nose, leaving the 3rd grade teacher looking cross-eyed at his own nose. Dean chuckled at him.

 

Cas recovered quickly from his flustered state and flashed Dean a smirk that made Dean’s torso pool with heat.

 

“Well, don’t expect me to give Ben any special attention.” He said blandly.

 

Dean laughed lowly, remembering that his son was sleeping in the other room. He let go of Cas’ hands, a small, genuine smile growing on his face.

 

“Tell me about the emperor penguins. I’d like to know what my son is learning about, if you don’t mind.” Cas’ eyes sparkled with the special look he got only when Dean urged him to talk about what he was going to be teaching next.

 

“Well, the emperor penguin is endemic to Antarctica…”

 

5 minutes in, Cas seemed to lose himself amidst his passionate speech and, much to Dean’s quiet delight, he started gesturing wildly with his hands.

 

* * *

xxi. 

 

The school year was almost over.

 

 Sam had finally popped the question; and to no one’s surprise, Jess had said yes. They were planning on getting married in August, right before the new school year started, so that Jess would have time to relabel all her things.

 

Lisa and Matt had gotten married, but Dean still got Ben on Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays.

 

Charlie had quit her job at the fire station, much to everyone’s (especially Jo’s) dismay. She had taken up the position as computer teacher at the local high school. Jo missed being around Charlie all the time, and didn’t hesitate to voice her thoughts on the matter. As a result, they ended moving in together in Charlie’s apartment in the downtown portion of Lawrence.

 

However, they hadn’t been the only couple to move in together.

 

Though they spent every free moment together, waking up in a different bed every day (albeit, together) didn’t seem enough for Dean and Cas. After a long and careful deliberation, they decided to move into Cas’ larger townhouse.

 

They generally got along well, and neither could stay mad at the other for long. When they did fight, their fights were sparse and petty. The only major fight they had ever had was about Dean’s odd phobia of Cas walking anywhere alone or going out at night.

 

When that argument finally blew up, a lot more was revealed about both their lives than either had planned for that night.

 

\--

 

_“I’m just going out for a walk, Dean.”_

_“Like hell you are!”_

_“Dean, I’m an adult; I don’t have or need a curfew.”_

_“…But-”_

_“Dean. It’s just a walk, for God’s sake!”_

_“Anything could happen on a walk!”_

_“What? Like exercise? Calorie burning? I’m not going to **die.** ”_

_“But you could!”_

Cas felt his jaw slacken as Dean fell into a dining room chair. His hands were covering his face and his posture was intentionally turned away from him; but Cas could see the slight shake of his shoulders that indicated crying.

_“You could… You never know…”_

_“Tell me what’s wrong. What is it?”_

 

_“…It was a long time ago, but it was my girlfriend; Cassie. But she went out for a walk a little later in the night once; and she never came back.”_

_“…”_

_“….”_

_“She… We found her, her um, her body… Three weeks later. It had been dumped in the river. Just… Dumped. Do you know what it feels like, Cas? To know that the person you love, died, and you weren’t there? You could have been, you **should** have been, but you weren’t?”_

_“…Yes.”_

_“You do?”_

_“…”_

_“Cas…”_

_“…Her name was Meg. She tried to be a hero; and she was stabbed in the stomach for her troubles. She died in the hospital while I was driving over.”_

_“Oh God.”_

_“Yes. That’s why, sometimes I just… I get scared for you. Because that’s your job. Your job is to save people, to be a hero.”_

_“...You’re a hero too, you know.”_

_“Maybe, maybe not. But not in the same way you are. You risk your life every day, and I just… It scares me sometimes, that’s all.”_

_“Cas, I… You won’t ever loose me, okay? I’ll be okay.”_

_“I know. But I still worry, like you do. Because I love you.”_

_“I love you too. But it’s just fire, okay? I have protective suits and everything.”_

_“I know.”_

_“…”_

_“Dean?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“It’s just a walk, okay? I have my phone and everything.”_

_“Cas, you can’t just use my words-”_

_“Yes I can. I just did.”_

_“I… Fine. Can I come with you?”_

\--

For the first time in his life, Dean felt like his life was coming together. He was surrounded by all the people he loved, with a stable job that he enjoyed and the man he loved beside him.

 

For the first time in his life, Cas felt himself relaxing; everyday stretching farther and farther out of the shell he had been forced into during his formative years. He felt safe, and happy and content.

 

Everything was finally going for them; their lives were perfect in their eyes, and they were resolved to live the rest of it this way.

 

But as the past proved, fate was not kind to this pair of lovers. And the happy lull that had been the last year and a half was the calm before the storm that would change their lives forever.

 

* * *

 

xxii.

 

The day had begun for Dean with Cas beside him and Ben sleeping in the other room.

 

They left their home at 7:00 AM. In the car ride over, Ben chattered excitedly about the science lab they were doing in class that day. The moment they reached the parking lot Ben ran over to the playground where all his other friends in the early-morning program were, with only a faint goodbye over his shoulder. Dean just smiled, watching him run away. He waved to Jess, who was the teacher standing by the door, supervising the kids with a watchful eye and a bemused look on her face as she watched Cas and Dean kiss goodbye.

 

 

It was 7:34 when Dean pulled into the fire station. Benny and Jo were his shift partners for the day, and the two were already there, playing a drowsy game of Go-Fish.

 

 

At 8:47, Dean was already on his third coffee, his leg bouncing as he listens to Benny tell stories about his ex-fiance Andrea. Neither Jo nor Dean ask what happened them; to her.

 

 

Its 9:58 when the alarm blares above them and the room flashes red.

 

 

They’re in the truck and already well on their way by 10:01.

 

“Where’s the fire at, Benny?” Dean asks as he preps his helmet. Jo is sitting adjacent from him, checking over the equipment to make sure it’s ready.

 

Benny’s tone is hesitant as he replies with a heavy sigh. “It’s at the elementary school.”

 

Dean pauses, his muscles freezing and rocking him backwards into a still position.

 

“Dean?” Jo’s voice is concerned and tight at the edges as she places a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

“Dean, you need to focus. We don’t have time to panic.”

 

Dean shook his head and nestled the helmet over his head, prompting Charlie to do the same.

 

“I know.” His voice is heavily muffled through the helmet. He sits anxiously, ready to leap out of the firetruck, the whole time names bouncing around in his skull of all the people in that school he can’t bear to loose.

 

**_Castiel._ **

****

Soon, they’re truck comes screeching into the school’s lot. Jo and Dean leap out at the same time; Jo hooking the hose up to the fire hydrant and Dean heading straight for the a group of worried looking teachers and the Principal.

 

A teacher turns around to meet him, and Dean is met with a wide eyed Jessica.

 

“Dean!” She yells, running over to him and pointing franticly at the school.

 

“His class was just finishing up their lab when the fire started; only a little more than half of them got out. He and 5 other kids are still in there; Ben’s unaccounted for too.”

 

 

Dean doesn’t need to ask who ‘he’ is before he practically barrels past her and runs right into the flaming school.

 

The shiny floors and white walls of the school Dean used to visit are long gone; and in its place is a blinding inferno of flames, licking up the walls and weakening the support beams of the ceiling; fast.

 

As he races past, the portion of Dean’s mind that isn’t hysterical is assessing the damage and possible fire spreading patterns.

 

The halls are normally littered with stray pieces of paper and abandoned books, the walls are a thin flammable plaster, and the art room is full of paint and other _highly_ flammable objects.

 

No wonder the fire has spread so fast, Dean thinks as the heat gets more and more intense.

 

“I’m in the west wing of the school,” Dean’s radio is filled with static until Jo’s ragged voice fills his ears.

 

“We think the fire started in the Cafeteria.” Jo says.

 

“You’re heading into the heart of the fire; we won’t be able to put this out by just spraying the building with water. You need to make a hole for the oxygen to escape; break a window or something.”

 

“How many unaccounted for?” Dean asks, shoving aside a burning support beam. He glances up at the ceiling; he only has so much time to save Cas and Ben before the ceiling collapses in around them.  

 

“Just the 6 you’re headed for now.” Jo replies.

 

Before she can speak another word, Dean comes to a halt in front of the doorway to Cas’ classroom; and kicks the door open.

 

Flames erupt behind him, having found a new source of oxygen to run on. The door hadn’t been fire resistant, and neither had the walls; the flames were already creeping up the plaster and to the ceiling. But Dean is already halfway into the classroom, screaming his partner’s name at the top of his lungs.

 

“Cas!”

 

None of the tables are overturned, and nothing seems out of place. The only place they could be, if they were still in this classroom, was the supply closet at the far end of the room.

 

Just as he noticed it, the door creaked open, and Cas appeared in the doorway, holding his undershirt over his nose.

 

“In here! Dean!” He runs over, and sweeps away the tables and chairs nearest to him that could possibly obscure their escape.

 

“Cas! Are you okay? Where are the kids?” Cas points behind him, and Dean catches sight of the 5 huddled children at the very back of the closet, their own shirts pulled over their noses. He catches sight of Ben; eyes wide and full of fear.

 

Dean wishes he could console them; he’s frightened son and his worried partner. But he doesn’t have time to do either. Instead, he radios Jo.

 

“I’m going to break that window,” He says.

 

“I need you there to help me get the kids out.”

 

“Roger that. But which window?”

 

“End of the row, facing towards you; before the doors from the cafeteria.”

 

Dean pushes Cas back into the safety of the closet before he grabs one of the nearby desks and throws it with all his might out the weakened window.

 

The crash of breaking glass is deafening, and he hears several high-pitched screams from the children behind him. He sweeps the jagged pieces of glass from the sill before he turns around and yells Cas’ name again.

 

“Come on!” He yells as Cas tries to herd the children over to him.

 

“We don’t have much time.” Jo appears at the window, stretching her arms out and grabbing two kids at once.

 

“Benny’s in control of the hose; he’s trying to put out the fire at the opposite end of the building.” She says as she runs with the children tucked under her arms, doing the best she can to get them as far away from the building before it collapses.

 

“Cas, come on!” Dean yells over his shoulder. Cas is in the doorway of the closet, trying to pull a very frightened child away from the pipe they had latched onto.

 

“Go! I’ll be right behind you!”

 

Dean wavers for a moment, words filled with defiance ready on the tip of his tongue.

 

“Go!” Cas says again, this time his eyes aren’t so wide and filled with fear. This time, they’re narrowed and his brow is drawn together in that familiar expression of determination Dean had come to love.

 

“Save Ben!” Dean’s heart is pulling and tugging at his words. Cas knows him well; far too well. He knows what to say to make him leave, and Dean is wishing he didn’t.

 

“Save your son!”

 

_Don’t ask me to choose._

_Not between you and my son._

 

 

But the choice was already made; if not by Dean, but by Cas. He steels himself, and his bright teal eyes grow hard with unwavering determination. He turns his back on Dean with a small smile on the edge of his lips, and he goes back to trying to pull the screaming child from the closet.

 

Dean watches himself through his eyes; go through the motions he had performed countless times.

 

 

_In rescue missions, minors are the priority._

Through his eyes, Dean watches himself grab Ben under one arm, and the other soot-covered child under the other.

 

 

_The objection is to save every living being in distress._

He jumps out the window, and plants his feet firmly beneath him in the blackening grass. He sprints across the never ending expanse of withering green, and deposits the children on the pavement behind the safety line. He sees a teacher pull them further away from the burning school, as he turns around, resolute on storming across the lawn and pulling his stubborn partner and the equally stubborn child through the window and out of the compromised building.

 

 

_But you can’t always save everyone._

He’s only made about three steps forward when the roof caves in and the top portion of the wall comes crumbling down in a mess of ash and burning plaster.

 

He can feel his world falling apart, and he knows he’ll find nothing, pull no one out from under that roof because the sound of the crash was as absolute as the sound of his heart breaking.

 

Someone tackles him to the ground at the same time that a scream tears itself away from the back of his throat. He’s fighting to get away, but a pair of arms fastens themselves around his arms, holding him down in an attempt to subdue him.

 

But Dean cannot be calmed. He cannot be subdued.

 

**_“CAS!”_ **

****

For the man he loves had died because he was too late to save him. Because Cas had been given a choice; to get out and save himself, or to stay behind and try to be a hero.

 

And he had chosen to be a hero.

 

His words come crashing back as Dean unravels on the front lawn of an elementary school.

 

 

_“…Her name was Meg. She tried to be a hero; and she was stabbed in the stomach for her troubles. She died in the hospital while I was driving over.”_

_“...You’re a hero too, you know.”_

_“Maybe, maybe not. But not in the same way you are…”_

 

Cas had tried to be a hero, and he had died for his troubles.

 

The bright orange flames and trees that happened to stay untouched by the flames all blurred together in his eyes as tears filled his vision.

 

“I’m sorry, brother.” Benny’s gruff voice speaks from beside his left ear, and Dean feels someone removing his helmet.

 

“I’m sorry, he’s gone.”

 

Dean’s cries turn into sobbing; only interrupted by the heart-breaking sound of a man calling out in pain for his lost lover that he could not save.

 

 


	2. ...But I Couldn't Save You

i.

 

Their home was empty without him.

 

It was two weeks after his funeral, and 17 days since he died. Dean hadn’t touched anything; all of Cas’ clothes, books, papers – everything had remained untouched.

 

Sam had asked him once what he was going to do with all of Cas’ things. But Dean had only looked sadly at his younger brother, and hadn’t replied.

 

Nobody asked him after that.

 

Dean was exasperated by the way everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells around him; but he was also grateful that he didn’t have to suffer the tear of his heart at the hands of the sound of Cas’ name.

 

He had stopped taking Ben three times a week; instead the boy only came around on Sundays, and these were the only days that Dean felt any semblance to happiness

 

The child’s name had been Rita Polisner. Dean felt he ought to remember it every morning when he grieved the loss of the familiar warm body to wake up to in the morning. But whenever he thought of the name, the only thing he could think was that this was the little girl that had forced Cas to stay behind.

 

And Dean wanted to hate the girl; wanted to loath Gerry and Andrea Poslisner for spawning the child, and their respective parents for birthing them. But as hard as he tried to put blame on anything but the hateful word _accident,_ Dean could not.

 

When he tried to hate them, in the end Dean couldn’t help but think that they had lost someone in that fire too. He couldn’t help but think that of all the people in the suddenly suffocating town of Lawrence, they were the only people that could even begin to understand how he felt.

 

They had lost their little girl, and Dean had lost his soulmate.

 

* * *

ii.

 

An old abandoned warehouse had caught fire, just outside of Lawrence. Chris was operating the hose, spraying down the section of the building opposite where Benny and Dean were digging through the debris, looking for the teenagers trapped inside.

 

They had been smoking here, and supposedly, one kid hadn’t been watching his light. The whole warehouse went up like a bundle of kindling, and Dean had only ever seen a few fires as strong as this.

 

“I see them!” Dean turned his head to see Benny pointing to a cluster of frightened teenagers huddling under a burning beam.

 

“Come on!” Dean yelled over the roar of the flames.

 

“You gotta get out from under there!”

 

He hauled the first teen to his feet, and sent them in Benny’s general direction. There were 5 in all; and only when he offered his hand to the last one did he realize her leg had been trapped under a broken beam the whole time.

 

“I’m trying!” She yelled, yanking fiercely on her leg.

 

“Its not working!” Dean moved beside her, and lifted up the beam as high as he could, his back aching as his muscles stretched and strained.

 

Finally, the girl scrambled out and away from underneath and fallen beam, and ran towards Benny, who was standing near the wrecked doorframe.

 

Dean dropped the beam on the ground heavily; but the force of the drop rattled another beam above him, and started to break apart until it was turning end over end down onto his legs and back, trapping him underneath.

 

His head banged against the pavement, and Dean glanced down groggily at the burning support beam pinning him to the ground.

 

He could hear Benny’s faint voice, but he sounded far away; like Dean was underwater, even though he knew that he was the farthest place from it.

 

The edges of his vision turned white with pain as Benny tried to drag him out from underneath the heavy wood.

 

“Hold on, brother.” He grunted in his ear.

 

“Hold on.”

 

But the pain was too much, and the white at the edges of his vision reached out further and further; until it turned black and had covered up his pupils and trapped him in darkness.

 

* * *

 

iii.

 

When Dean woke up, he woke up with a start.

 

He was standing up; in a pair of his favorite low-slung jeans and a flannel, plaid shirt.

 

Directly in front of him was a badly burned man with a plastic tube down his neck. Even in the damaged state of the body, Dean knew it was himself he was staring at.

 

Before he could say a word, a calm, familiar voice spoke beside him.

 

“It’s all rather cliché, isn’t it?” Dean froze, his muscles freezing just as they had in the back of the firetruck a lifetime ago when he had first begun to realize he was slowly losing the man he loved.

 

Slowly, he turned his head to the right; and was met with a pair of shining teal eyes.

 

“Cas?” He asked slowly, the disbelief and shock in his voice raw and unveiled. Cas sent him a small smirk.

 

“Hello Dean.” He said in a soft voice, full of love and warmth and everything Dean had wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Tentatively, Dean reached out to grasp Cas’ hand in his.

 

Their palms brushed, and a flurry of sparks shot up his arm as Dean slid his fingers right into the spaces between Cas’; fitting together like puzzles pieces, cut from the same pattern. Or, in their case, two soulmates, cut from the square of galaxy that made up who they are.

 

Cas hummed in an amused tone, looking down at their intertwined fingers.

 

“I missed this.”

 

“Does, does this mean I’m dead?” Dean asked, as he squeezed their palms infinitely closer in response.

 

Cas shook his head. “Not quite.” He replied.

 

“This is the moment where you decide whether you want to be, or not.” As if on cue, a doctor in a white lab coat walked into the room, followed closely behind by none other than Dean’s little brother Sam, and Jess.

 

Dean turned to Cas, tuning out whatever it was the doctor had to say to the couple.

 

“Why am I still here?” He asked.

 

“Something’s holding you here.” Cas responded, his brow slightly furrowed as he looked at Dean’s damaged body.

 

“Maybe an unfulfilled promise? The nagging feeling that you left the stove on; I don’t know, anything really. Anything that would make you want to return, no matter how small.”

 

Dean considered Cas’ words for a moment.

 

“Benny told me to hold on.” He offered. Cas nodded solemnly, turning his piercing gaze to hold Dean’s.

 

“It’s possible.” He replied.

 

“Like I said before; anything.”

 

Dean studies the scene before him carefully, but no matter how hard he tried to hear the word’s that poured out of the doctor’s mouth like a faucet, or the ones that dripped slowly out of Sam’s; he could not.

 

“You’re still tethered to your body.” Cas answered Dean’s unasked question.

 

“You have the same hearing capabilities now as you would in your earthly body.”

 

“What’s he saying?” Dean asked curiously.

 

“Well, the doctor’s saying that there isn’t much hope left for you.” Cas replied in a soft, almost apologetic tone.

 

“That, really, it’s up to you to decide if you’d like to stay or go.”

 

“Go?” Dean asked, facing Cas once more.

 

“How can I go?” He asked, his voice tinged with confusion.

 

“But how can I bear to stay, when I know I could have gone with you?” Cas’ face melts into a small smile, and he squeezes Dean’s hand in his.

 

“I’m sorry, my love; I can’t answer that.” Dean’s attention is pulled away from Cas’ sad and adoring eyes to the sound of a thin whisper in his ear.

 

“Its okay, Dean.” Sam says quietly, his mouth pressed up against Dean’s ear. The doctor is gone, and Jess stands at the foot of the bed.

 

“I know you want to go; but you feel like you have to stay. I’ll, I’ll be okay. We’ll look after Ben for you; all of them. It won’t be easy; but we’ll be okay without you.” Sam steps back for a moment, taking in a deep, steadying breath. Jess puts a hand on his shoulder, and offers him a supportive smile.

 

Dean grins despite the grim situation; from that small gesture, Dean knows his little brother will be well looked after under the watchful and adoring eye of Jessica Moore.

 

Sam bends over once more, and whispers in his ear,

 

“It’s okay if you want to go. It’s okay for you to go be with Cas.”

 

Dean’s faint resolve crumbles as he watches Sam straighten up his spine and square his shoulders. But when Jess puts an arm around his waist and hugs him from the side, his spine slackens just a little, and his defensive stance drops to something more familiar and comfortable.

 

Jess leads him out of the room, and Dean and Cas are alone with only the faint beeping of the heart monitor between them.

 

Dean takes in his burn marked body; looks at the scars on his face and the marks on his hands, and for the first time Dean does not see the hands of a man who destroys everything he touches. He’s done good here; here in Lawrence, Kansas. He built a home, found his soulmate, and was happy.

 

His life was short, but Dean never took time as a measurement for quality, anyway.

 

Dean turns to his side where he knows Cas will be. He will always be there, and Dean will always be here. But no matter what they do; they will always be side by side.

 

Dean grins up at Cas, tugging affectionately on their intertwined hands. And when Cas returns the smile with an equally radiant one, Dean knows that he's home.

 

“So. Where do we go now?”

 

 

**_\- Fin -_ **

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if some of my firefighter information was a bit inaccurate; I tried to do as much research as I could, but I didn't get much solid information.


End file.
